Archive for the 'Pieces left behind...' Category

“If”

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

If you can live each day with the assurance that YOU are something wonderful to be.
If you can find a way to meet your problems
With courage and with true maturity…

If you can be attractive and in fashion,
Yet never swayed by any vulgar style.
If you can choose the finer things life offers,
Rejecting what is worthless with a smile…

If you can guard the principles you live by-
Hold fast to truth and honor all life through.
And stand for right in every situation,
No matter what the world may say or do…

If you can try to offer hope or comfort,
To those who seem to need a helping hand.

If you can do some little act of kindness,
Or say a word that shows you understand…

If you can meet a trying situation,
Without complaint and with your spirit high.
If you can face occasional disappointment,
Not yielding to a grumble or a sigh.

If you can learn to make a firm decision and say, “I will”-
Never “I may” or “might”
If you can follow in your true vocation
Unswerving, for you know your course is right…

If you can take delight in little children.
And be a friend to older folks you know.

If you can give your warmth and understanding,
To fill the lives of those who love you so…

If you can practice all the arts of living,
With gracious kindness and with real integrity…
You’re bound to be a happy person, always
And the lovely human you were meant to be.

Changed it around, just a bit. For it was once, “If - For Girls”. I found it more universal.

From a small book my Mother was given on her 15th, by her parents. Something I’m glad to tote away with.

The sum of recent communications with my Father… II

Tuesday, April 1st, 2008

Hi Jackie,

I’m sorry I bothered you recently regarding my thinking you had called. I picked up the phone this morning, and it was some asinine salesman.

My phone service allows me to block anonymous calls. And, I’m going to turn this feature on because I hate being bothered by these jerks.

If you want your mother’s things.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WORDS mean nothing.

When one doesn’t ACT.

In the last 2 plus years, out of necessity, I asked but for one thing from you.

Look at you emails, and you will see.

I offered to pay! I offered to help.

But, you didn’t call.

Two are left.

But, ONE is gone!

When Randy called, shortly before your grand-father died.

One was gone, and surely the other would follow!

Due to conscience, I ACTED.

What happened to yours?

I can see the truth, even through the fog.

To spite me, you lost yours.

Bye,
Martin

————————————————————————–

Father,
Conscience can be a means to an action of alleviating guilt. Michelle told me, “Guilt is a worthless emotion.” It gets us nowhere, and simply digs a hole in which we wallow.

I act out of love. Remember? “If you love someone, you’ll let them go.” Love is the all encompassing emotion, to “let it be”.

In my life, I’ve watched people be ill, go mentally ill, loose themselves to an image, cling on to another and loose themselves… Yes, I’ve seen the lifelessness of people in death.

For the people that lived, and left a legacy: BRAVO! A legacy comes from passions sewed, happiness reaped, and love shared. In death, they live on.

To those souls that become swallowed in the sadness, guilt and regret … As my favorite quote from Blade Runner states, “It’s too bad she won’t live, but then again, who does?”

That fog is the daze you’re in. You know it’s there, but you’ll make of it what you will. When filled with fear, the imagination runs wild.

My passions fuel my actions. I have built the world around me, despite the past. Material possessions, bearing memories or worth, I have found myself without. Whether it was Pinky, or my mini “Spot” book, everything I wrote at my Mom’s and with you, the photos and movies… I can exercise my memory just fine. I may not have these “things”, and I may no longer be graced by the wonderful presence of people I once knew, such as you or my Mother.

I love you both, more than you’ll ever allow yourselves to know. You’ve both taught me well. I thank you both for my presence here today. You have both inspired me.

As a family, my mother, yourself and I, we all surely did our fair share of hurting. Whether we realize it or not, the impact was made. “People will always remember how you made them feel.”

My search has been for who I am. The world had me confused for awhile, but “history repeats itself”. The answers were there all along. For all of us, it is in the essence of our being. Make of it what you will.

Renaissance is my will defined. Know that this is what I’m here for, or don’t know me at all. Distance does not separate us, but your unwillingness to hear, know, and accept [with love] the person that I am. With the inclusion of my husband, Christopher Dee Pollard. Our beautifully flourishing daughter, Krislynn Night Pollard. And anyone else I choose to bear this life with.

Where you stand, you won’t hear my perspective, you haven’t seen my face, and you don’t utter my daughter’s name. So, my choice is to let you be. If there is love, you’ll come back to me.

As I have always been here, you know how to find me more than my own Mother. When your words chime with love, rather than the brashness of the ego… I will surely be up for a chance, no matter the sake of my heart. In the end, ACTIONS, as we all say.

Just as you are moving to Mexico, I am moving forward. I encourage movement in any direction, motion sooths the soul. Stagnance stirs the mind. All this provides experience, and in turn, growth.

You’ve found your “heart”, go and grab her. Hold her close to your chest, and let her know you love her, if that is so.
“The salvation of your immortal soul may depend on what you do with the opportunity.”

In my parting, I suggest you listen to the album “This Binary Universe” by BT.

If I wasn’t clear on my status with the belongings, “If you do not mind dropping off these items at Mary’s house, go ahead. Don’t worry about the time, do it when it’s convenient.”

I do know what to do. That is surely not to fuss over the small stuff. All about the memories, and they live long so long as one shoots for the stars. I was “born on a lucky star”. Remember my Mother use to say that? I’ll surely never forget.

I believe that is all for now.

Until next you chime,


Jacqueline Mellars Granados Pollard

Eviction_Evolution

Tuesday, February 26th, 2008

We’ve been living like hippies. Lost in the dream. Hippies may love their illusive vision of reality; the happiness of it all.

But we are “hippies in business suits”, as Christopher once said. We may still be hung up in the happy high of our dreams, but we’re realistically tied down to the Earth: with the ability to hold onto our briefcase, and walk the walk. Though we will never lose our vision, that is the lost cause of our current corporate mainframe.

We are the Renaissance! No matter the loss, there is a cause. Through the experience comes a loving will to live, and bring the whole world in on our growth.

Nature is an evolving thing. We must be up in arms not only with ourselves, but with each other. For true evolution takes place in unified force; as a greater whole.

(Written on October 7th, 2007, in the midst of moving from the home I birthed Krislynn within. We were being threatened with eviction, after three months of not being able to pay but $200 in rent.

Broke, but never broken. I always pick up and trudge onward in these defining times. A journey never intimidates, but challenges my being. The space in between there and now, came with lots of growth.)

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