Hi Jackie,
I’m sorry I bothered you recently regarding my thinking you had called. I picked up the phone this morning, and it was some asinine salesman.
My phone service allows me to block anonymous calls. And, I’m going to turn this feature on because I hate being bothered by these jerks.
If you want your mother’s things.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
WORDS mean nothing.
When one doesn’t ACT.
In the last 2 plus years, out of necessity, I asked but for one thing from you.
Look at you emails, and you will see.
I offered to pay! I offered to help.
But, you didn’t call.
Two are left.
But, ONE is gone!
When Randy called, shortly before your grand-father died.
One was gone, and surely the other would follow!
Due to conscience, I ACTED.
What happened to yours?
I can see the truth, even through the fog.
To spite me, you lost yours.
Bye,
Martin
————————————————————————–
Father,
Conscience can be a means to an action of alleviating guilt. Michelle told me, “Guilt is a worthless emotion.” It gets us nowhere, and simply digs a hole in which we wallow.
I act out of love. Remember? “If you love someone, you’ll let them go.” Love is the all encompassing emotion, to “let it be”.
In my life, I’ve watched people be ill, go mentally ill, loose themselves to an image, cling on to another and loose themselves… Yes, I’ve seen the lifelessness of people in death.
For the people that lived, and left a legacy: BRAVO! A legacy comes from passions sewed, happiness reaped, and love shared. In death, they live on.
To those souls that become swallowed in the sadness, guilt and regret … As my favorite quote from Blade Runner states, “It’s too bad she won’t live, but then again, who does?”
That fog is the daze you’re in. You know it’s there, but you’ll make of it what you will. When filled with fear, the imagination runs wild.
My passions fuel my actions. I have built the world around me, despite the past. Material possessions, bearing memories or worth, I have found myself without. Whether it was Pinky, or my mini “Spot” book, everything I wrote at my Mom’s and with you, the photos and movies… I can exercise my memory just fine. I may not have these “things”, and I may no longer be graced by the wonderful presence of people I once knew, such as you or my Mother.
I love you both, more than you’ll ever allow yourselves to know. You’ve both taught me well. I thank you both for my presence here today. You have both inspired me.
As a family, my mother, yourself and I, we all surely did our fair share of hurting. Whether we realize it or not, the impact was made. “People will always remember how you made them feel.”
My search has been for who I am. The world had me confused for awhile, but “history repeats itself”. The answers were there all along. For all of us, it is in the essence of our being. Make of it what you will.
Renaissance is my will defined. Know that this is what I’m here for, or don’t know me at all. Distance does not separate us, but your unwillingness to hear, know, and accept [with love] the person that I am. With the inclusion of my husband, Christopher Dee Pollard. Our beautifully flourishing daughter, Krislynn Night Pollard. And anyone else I choose to bear this life with.
Where you stand, you won’t hear my perspective, you haven’t seen my face, and you don’t utter my daughter’s name. So, my choice is to let you be. If there is love, you’ll come back to me.
As I have always been here, you know how to find me more than my own Mother. When your words chime with love, rather than the brashness of the ego… I will surely be up for a chance, no matter the sake of my heart. In the end, ACTIONS, as we all say.
Just as you are moving to Mexico, I am moving forward. I encourage movement in any direction, motion sooths the soul. Stagnance stirs the mind. All this provides experience, and in turn, growth.
You’ve found your “heart”, go and grab her. Hold her close to your chest, and let her know you love her, if that is so.
“The salvation of your immortal soul may depend on what you do with the opportunity.”
In my parting, I suggest you listen to the album “This Binary Universe” by BT.
If I wasn’t clear on my status with the belongings, “If you do not mind dropping off these items at Mary’s house, go ahead. Don’t worry about the time, do it when it’s convenient.”
I do know what to do. That is surely not to fuss over the small stuff. All about the memories, and they live long so long as one shoots for the stars. I was “born on a lucky star”. Remember my Mother use to say that? I’ll surely never forget.
I believe that is all for now.
Until next you chime,
–
Jacqueline Mellars Granados Pollard
