About a week ago, Krislynn took the initiative to grow up and out of babyhood.  Sure she has lived the, “I’m a big girl now!”, slogan- being potty trained since she was 1 1/2 years old.  Though now her mentality has caught up with her reality. 

Ever since she was born, we’ve sung her a lullaby.   One Christopher’s Mom would sing to him as a child.  Apparently it originates from the Mormon religion, but it has a great wholesome perspective of positivity.

“Oo-oo-ooh little baby,
Close your eyes.
Oo-oo-ooh little baby,
Dream of paradise.

Mommy is here with you,
Daddy is right here too.

Oo-oo-ooh little baby,
Close your eyes.”

While Christopher was still recovering from his DKA episode, I went about putting Krislynn down for a nap one afternoon.  She started saying, “Little girl song now.”  I hadn’t the slightest idea what she was referring to, at first.  After asking her to reiterate her request a few times, it finally hit me.  She no longer wanted to be sung to sleep as a “little baby”, but as a “little girl”.  Ever since, she has insisted on this when we sing her to bed.

We are definitely feeling a sense of melancholy in this, even still.  Our little baby is a little girl; she has been for awhile.  Yet, she is now conscious of this- and just before her baby sibling is born.  Really it’s perfect timing, and it is beautiful she has chosen to recognize her progression without external influence.  I am proud of her growth, but she will surely always be out little baby.  <3

A few weeks before this, she had also begun to insist we call her by her full name.  “Krislynn Night now.”  Which was flattering- as we’re glad she appreciates the name we gave her. 

Waking after a few hours sleep, to the quiet-dark-early-morning. The part of night when my mind switches into active mode. Where, as of late, I’ve been exhausting myself in the dream-state more so than resting.

Being woken by the sound of our eldest dog licking herself, with that big lappy tongue. No longer being able to ignore my incessant urge to wizz. My mind came unto this thought process.

My Sister-In-Law, Colissa, came for a visit a few months back. An occasion to be remembered, as it was reminiscent of the olden days. When she’d take the time to enjoy our company, and we’d hold conversation on an in-depth wave. My most favorite sort of personal interaction.

Winding up on the topic of her education, as she now attends the local University. She expressed the perplexity of her recent teachings. As years before she recalled us speaking of such theories now expressed in higher-education. In two courses she was taking at the time, they spoke of the sociological and historical factors lending towards the impending “Renaissance” or “World War III” eras. The cycle of our human existence.

Back in October of 2008 Colissa wrote, proposing Christopher take his web-development brain child to Google for their 10-million-dollar idea contest. My blog post entitled, -Letter-, was my reply (posted publicly, as personal reference). Looking back over this, recognizing the timeline surrounding these projected thoughts. Eviction was near, our immediate future unknown; still I held strongly to my ideology.

The irony I found in my barely woken state, all these thoughts and memories rushing to me, was my lack of college-bound education. Rather drastically, I pulled myself from the reigns of college at the age of 17. Having dropped out of high school at 14, with the hope of a young college career being the cure for my dying interest in institutionalized teachings. One semester in and I was already expressing to my then boy-friend, “I don’t know where I’m going, but it isn’t going to be college.” There was no passion- no denying it!

The decision to break from the expectations of my generation, to pursue this destination of educational merit, was ground-breaking. A shift profound. My Father was fart from understanding, as it took him until the age of 45 to reach his Bachelors (having been distracted by the meager 9-5 hourly earnings of “life”). It was his idea for me to not be distracted, but fully concentrated on my higher education. Living a supported, yet oppressed, life with him until the age of my graduation. Even upon expressing my need for his “reigns to be loosened, or I’ll break free”, he could not bring himself to an active understanding of this woman coming to be.

High School was a mind-warp on my creative blossomings. I was able to keep myself afloat in my verbal manipulation and out-of-the-box thinking relating to school projects. Journalism and formatted writing was never my passion, however. That was the box I molded myself into, for the future placed on my by society and my Father.

Five years now spent, alongside my journeying soul-mate. Living an extremist lifestyle, which brought us great opposition. As we have lead ourselves down a path of opposing force, so doubt and misconception are the balance of our actions. Lending us the greater lessons; forming our mindstate for the here-and-now. Whereas before, we were only struggling to put our ideas into motion. Speaking out loud, stumbling on course. Our words have beaten the path we walk. Now laying the yellow bricks to a road we wish others to travel. By foot, or in theory– leading them unto a destiny all their-own.

Renaissance has been my passion. We are the creators. Despite the fear of technological growth, we should harness it’s union. As the divine connector of our universe, and alleviation of the mundane. For the jobs these techno-brains will relinquish us from, are not to be missed. The greater evolution is not in the making of an A.I., but the revolution of our minds from the shackles of society.

Remembering and reminiscing.

Being eleven-years-old, beginning my open door journey through the depths of the internet. Transitioning from a living situation with my Mother, and into another with my Father– I adopted his infatuation for online connectivity. With an introverted process of poetic expression, and a yearning for personal relation, I self-taught myself the ropes of website creation. Releasing myself unto the masses. Without fear or complacency, I welcomed whomever came my way.

“Poetically Poised” was the alias and web domain I created for myself. In the time since I’ve had two other aliases which I’ve retained with some parties: Pestilent Probe & Lhomme Machine. Each identifying a certain aspect of my three-part character.

• Poetically Poised: Showing the light of my creative being, my God-force and ultimate personality of an evolving self.
• Pestilent Probe: A combination created within a sci-fi based poem of my composition. The words that show my darkest vibes, and most masochistic desires– explored and acknowledged.
• Lhomme Machine: Of French origin. Meaning, “Man the Machine”. The mechanical nature of instinct and survival, which is the median between both extremes– that which keeps me grounded; enslaved.

As Poetically Poised, I sifted through myself. Displaying my poetry, first and foremost, then moving onto a daily blogging routine of my own riddling nature. Outwardly exposing every emotion and thought. Coming into consciousness of my three-part nature, growing with acceptance.

This is the whole of my existence, in some ways. Those able to experience, able to hold interest in this expressive outlet, are the ones I’ve so greatly appreciated. Not as “fans”, but as friends. People who could decode my way with words, and hear the messages I explore. That connection in time, is priceless. Whether we’re connected now, those few moments in my lifetime mean eternity to me.

With High School came a blockage. What I now see as a major transitioning point in my mental thought process. Drawing inward and, for the next eight years, experiencing this life; its people, face-to-face. A very balanced process of self-exploration, and life lessons. Separating myself from clingy souls, letting go of unhealthy relationships, pushing myself to move past abusive confines, wading through abandonment and confusion: Life is what you make of it, and I am certainly a strong soul. All that I have known, and all that I have become. A continual process, which holds me still as a student– on a wiser path of achievements.

In these years past, many of my life transitions have been of leaps-and-bounds. Never could I have predicted my current stance as a child. Knowing I was different, as I could never just be along with my peers. There was no niche for me. Even as my parents have fallen by the wayside, not knowing what to make of me, or how to possess me. I am my own. While many have done their damnedest to keep this Gem within their grasp, to manipulate and ridicule me into submission, I am a leader of my own right.

Coming to be with Christopher was the brightest, and yet the most tunneling and wavering road I’ve ever been down. In five years time, we have experienced more than most in a decade. Our most connective and opposite forces, drawn together by the force of our conversational dream speak. What we shared was an opening into the universe of awakening and expansion. An ever-challenging course; an intuitive force.