Remembering and reminiscing.
Being eleven-years-old, beginning my open door journey through the depths of the internet. Transitioning from a living situation with my Mother, and into another with my Father– I adopted his infatuation for online connectivity. With an introverted process of poetic expression, and a yearning for personal relation, I self-taught myself the ropes of website creation. Releasing myself unto the masses. Without fear or complacency, I welcomed whomever came my way.
“Poetically Poised” was the alias and web domain I created for myself. In the time since I’ve had two other aliases which I’ve retained with some parties: Pestilent Probe & Lhomme Machine. Each identifying a certain aspect of my three-part character.
- Poetically Poised: Showing the light of my creative being, my God-force and ultimate personality of an evolving self.
- Pestilent Probe: A combination created within a sci-fi based poem of my composition. The words that show my darkest vibes, and most masochistic desires– explored and acknowledged.
- Lhomme Machine: Of French origin. Meaning, “Man the Machine”. The mechanical nature of instinct and survival, which is the median between both extremes– that which keeps me grounded; enslaved.
As Poetically Poised, I sifted through myself. Displaying my poetry, first and foremost, then moving onto a daily blogging routine of my own riddling nature. Outwardly exposing every emotion and thought. Coming into consciousness of my three-part nature, growing with acceptance.
This is the whole of my existence, in some ways. Those able to experience, able to hold interest in this expressive outlet, are the ones I’ve so greatly appreciated. Not as “fans”, but as friends. People who could decode my way with words, and hear the messages I explore. That connection in time, is priceless. Whether we’re connected now, those few moments in my lifetime mean eternity to me.
With High School came a blockage. What I now see as a major transitioning point in my mental thought process. Drawing inward and, for the next eight years, experiencing this life; its people, face-to-face. A very balanced process of self-exploration, and life lessons. Separating myself from clingy souls, letting go of unhealthy relationships, pushing myself to move past abusive confines, wading through abandonment and confusion: Life is what you make of it, and I am certainly a strong soul. All that I have known, and all that I have become. A continual process, which holds me still as a student– on a wiser path of achievements.
In these years past, many of my life transitions have been of leaps-and-bounds. Never could I have predicted my current stance as a child. Knowing I was different, as I could never just be along with my peers. There was no niche for me. Even as my parents have fallen by the wayside, not knowing what to make of me, or how to possess me. I am my own. While many have done their damnedest to keep this Gem within their grasp, to manipulate and ridicule me into submission, I am a leader of my own right.
Coming to be with Christopher was the brightest, and yet the most tunneling and wavering road I’ve ever been down. In five years time, we have experienced more than most in a decade. Our most connective and opposite forces, drawn together by the force of our conversational dream speak. What we shared was an opening into the universe of awakening and expansion. An ever-challenging course; an intuitive force.
