Some never quite got off their feet, into flight. My parents happen to be a great example of why not to wither. This aging has nothing to do with time, but perception and will.

My Mother reemerged in my life a little over a year ago. Prior to that point, I had last spoken to her when I was 6 months pregnant with Krislynn.

From an early age, I witnessed her manifestation of negative ironies in life. Her influence perplexed me. While her mentality dwindled downward, I was wrapped up in her wrath. Over the years I distanced myself, for lack of a better solution. She has always sought me out, and been damned to infringe on my boundaries.

There is a sense of responsibility that I am hung up on. Through experiences, I have repeatedly learned she is not more than my Mother. I do not account for her; I will not. My declarations have had to sever the strong hold she lays over me.

While I know not the entirety of her life since our initial breaking. I do know she has lived amongst the streets, and under the control of government agencies for her inability to sustain a societal lifestyle. She feels so entitled, and as “independent” as she claims she is– She is asking to live with her 21 year-old daughter, son-in-law and Grand-child.

Simply-put. So much history bound in pain and mistrust lies between us. She has yet to gain the patience to hear my experience. I have yet to accept her claims that, “It was out of my control.” She continues to make it quite clear, she has yet to gain much self-control.

I am most accountable for myself. My actions, words and desires have created this world [of mine] and it’s people. Krislynn Night is heavily influenced by my world, while she is now creating her own. My childhood memories constantly remind me of the self I must control, esteem and express.

For those who continue to wind towards a self-pity, for lack of self-worth. To search for redemption in the hands and hearts of others, through bitter words and wallowing ways. “Neutralize, energize, and release!”