Krislynn “Mongoosikin” Night…
She has quite the fascination with electronics. It can be hard to keep her distracted from the pretty lights and whirling doo-hickeys.
My computer mouse fell victim. Really I’m to blame. I gave into her play, and let her be the other day. Figured there was no harm in it, and I was just being a scrooge anyhow. Sometimes I forget my reasoning.
Now that I’m navigating my computer without a left-click button, I realize what my good reasoning was. Completely intact, yet malfunctioning. Miss Mongoosikin is quite the predator. I’m pretty sure it was all that loose dangling from the tail….
At this point in time, I am very content with my life. Not happy, but at ease with my surroundings. For all the while, there still lurks uncertainty.
We have finally settled into our own place. The lighting of the space, and general arrangement is quite satisfying for our mental state. Photos and artwork lining most of the walls, providing a gentle vision for our passions.
Christopher and I both know just how great our vision is in size, detail and time. We have quite a crowd that holds some interest in Hall of the Gods (Inc.), and the inner-workings. Really, nobody knows the true intention or meaning of HoG.
On a more personal perspective, most people of my “previous” life are completely out-of-the-loop. I haven’t kept anyone, or anything up to date. I have been intently living towards what I want.
Had you asked me three years ago what I saw in my future, the answer would’ve been quite plain. College. Degree. Job in journalism industry… leading to eventual free-lance journalism career, allowing me to travel the world.
Why had I settled on journalism? Because writing was both a joy and a strength for me, and the field would provide a certain freedom of interest. Entertainment, politics, history, world and social issues, health and science would all be covered. So, I would presumably never get bored with the profession, and waste away my 6+ years of high priced schooling.
I dream a lot bigger than that. Always have; thanks to Mom. She kept me on my toes, and taught me to strive for greater things in life. Personal success. Not to say she knew what that was for me, but she showed me the meaning of it. More than anything, she showed the result of not pursuing your true dreams.
Looking through the wider scope of life, I see a scenic horizon. Still, sitting here lost in moments.
My mind projects the vibrations of my surroundings. I am emotionally driven.
Through the years, I have mellowed. Though I have found, I am only denying my being. Due to commentary, I lie here halted in my own sense of self… lost.
My intensity is my life-force, from which I will create and evolve. Pulling from that strength, I have already pushed on through. This life I lead, is a beautiful portrait of a building character.
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Lack of energy, is holding me back. Due to several reasons. Primarily the belief I’ve had since adolescence: eating, urinating and defecating are a waste of time and action. I’d joke I wanted a catheter installed. That we will be the truly superior species when we can go without such things.
I may not proclaim that as much as I once had, but it has come out in my lack of action. Don’t fear, I’m not some combustible ball of bodily substance. I have surely been paying visits to the restroom, that is plain irresistible.
Food, on the other hand, has not been quite so tempting. I am without an appetite. I feel I need the resources. Though, the taste of food simply isn’t enough to tempt me. At least not for more than a good solid meal and some slight snacking.
So, I am surviving. But my body generally feels drained, as I trudged along. I am not functioning at full power. Though, I can really push myself to the limits.
Even while working at Zia Records, having my lunch made and ready to be eaten, I’d procrastinate the process. Mentally so caught up. As if I would rather think myself into a near coma, due to lack of bodily fuel. Though the thought process would leave me unconscious of physical existence, and I’d float on with the brain waves.
So I can sit, or do some simple task, and drift off into thought. Now, sitting here writing, I can zone into the words I’ll write. Like a traffic tunnel, I can see my exit: write the thoughts. Though there are so many, that I trail on. The bright fluorescents lighting my path, sidetrack my perspective, blinding me away from the initial thought and action. It is endless.
A more conscious state of mind has been my objective. So I don’t often lull myself into this near-catatonic state. I feel that is the brink of my insanity. I do love a challenge. Though if I’m going to speak of “wasting time”, than balancing on my mental beam should be appropriately categorized as such.
My passions lies in action. A sedated state is too common. My uniqueness is my pride.
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The future is filled with imagery. Good, bad, ugly… evolutionary, and revolutionary. A mesh of our worlds, in one grand catastrophic explosion, or one long creatively driven Renaissance. Or do they both weigh in, to balance out?
Time will surely tell more than our minds. We don’t know until it materializes, and crosses our path.
Fear is quite pointless, and avoidance will lead face first into disaster. So, I approach our future, full of fury. Why hold back, when we’re already held down? If we can’t fly up, than we must surely be meant to move forward. Hesitancy leads to a foreboding sight.
Whence Mother wandered, wonder willed and warmed; making my present purposeful.
