Introduction to the year.
The end of 2004 had wound down quite well. All the relationships I had were deteriorating, leaving me with little else in my life other than college. So, when 2005 came to be, it had no hype to it.
I was going through the motions and I felt quite alone. My first semester of college was over. I had struggled at the end, but made it. Although I was excited about my upcoming classes and what work they’d offer me, I wasn’t driven. I felt jaded and wasn’t passionate about much anymore. Any hobbies I enjoyed, I felt I no longer possessed enough “creativity” for.
All that became important in my world was my schooling. I had no friends to visit, and the main person I saw was my Father.
Even though I was at the best weight of my adolescence, I still somehow felt insecure. I was in college by the time I was 16, quite impressive to most I met. The idiotic problems of being in middle and high school were far behind me, and all that mattered was my future. Nothing in my present was stopping me! I was provided for by my Father, and he didn’t even want me to work. He just wanted me to go to college and get my degree. Simple, secure and leaving me feeling so lost.
January 31st, 2006 at 1:31 am
sounds like you’re undertaking quite a bit with this blog. although i’m glad to see someone use it for a proper purpose rather than random nothings.. which i myself am quite prone to do. i applaud you for wanting to be so honest and open with yourself & others. i wish i could do the same. but for me, the easiest way to get through life is still to keep myself to myself.
i look forward to catching up on the last couple of years of your life as you write.. i’m sorry i missed so much of it & i’m glad you keep finding me & giving me all the chances i seem to need..
January 31st, 2006 at 3:40 am
I guess we crave nothing more than a little action, drama, and stressing.. at least if I dont get that, I dont feel like Ive deserved whatever I achieve. But maybe thats just me.